as seen by the Second MARS Probe flyover mission
Two years ago I sent my own probe to Mars because I got tired of all the TV hype from the SOJOURNER mission. I used the styrofoam from 25 Gateway computer boxes as padding so that my lander vehicle (which I christened SOUTHERNER) would land softly. Pictures began coming in almost immediately; but the software kept sending a peculiar message, something about a "Segment Load Error" or "General Protection Fault." Maybe I shouldn't have used Windows95 . . .
I sent my second probe to Mars after the pictures from NASA's flyover seemed to show that the mysterious "Face on Mars," thought to be the remnant of some extinct Martian civilization, was actually no more than an ancient mountain, eroded by eons of sun and atmosphere. Well, my probe saw plenty of those, but a bit west of the one NASA photographed I found this weird outcropping. It does look like a face when the light hits it at an angle, but surely My probe found a whole bunch of those 'Mars Faces' around the back of a hill. Time-lapse photography shows the eerie effect of changing light; why, it's as if they move... It's EASTER ISLAND ON MARS!!
From the original MARS PROBE page:
SOUTHERNER sent back pictures of various interesting objects. Unfortunately, after the system crashed SOUTHERNER just went around bumping into rocks and paying no attention to its mission.By the time I got it under control the battery was almost dead. Hey, I'm on a budget here. Everyone complained about the poor quality of NASA's pictures; only I actually DID anything about it. Meanwhile, a few startling revelations about our sister planet:
I've been looking for this coffee cup for a long time - apparently it was in the packing when I sent the probe. Will the first manned mission please retrieve it for me? Thanks.
Everyone was complaining because the SOJOURNER ground probe didn't go check out the Mysterious Face on Mars, so I sent my probe for a look. I was prepared to debunk this thing as a hoax, but I'll be switched if it didn't look like a face from ground level, too. Life on Mars must have never reached a very high level of sophistication.
Also worthy of further investigation is this strange rock, which I have christened 'Mickey.' My geological consultants are excited by the strange formation, which may actually have come from Pluto.
Sunrise on the Red Planet reveals an eerie beauty as SOUTHERNER snaps a postcard image.
As the batteries ran down, SOUTHERNER fired off into space (I can't afford disposable probes the way the government can). As it left the area of Mars, it was in a perfect position for a moment to see Mars companioned by its moons Phobos and Deimos (Fear and Panic), named after the mythological Dogs of War. In fact, it almost hit Phobos, which is the rocky irregular one on the left.
A friendly UFO led SOUTHERNER through a heavy cloud layer as it re-entered. I don't believe all that stuff about them kidnapping people. All the ones I've met so far have been friendly.
My probe, unlike NASA's, came back of its own accord. Unfortunately, I had it home in on GSU and it landed in Lake Wells, right beside the library. Unbeknownst to us, the lake seems to be the home of a lost civilization . . . a city beneath the water . . . or is it just the Technology Department opening another annex?
This was my original Mars Probe Page, streamlined for easier loading. The links lead to the pictures originally on the page.
I'm firing off a manned probe next year, as soon as I decide which crooked politician to send. 
For some reason, this strange page has been accessed times since August 21, 1997. Steve Hooley Interplanetary Project / hooleyss@gsaix2.cc.gasou.edu
